


You're not my homeland anymore (so, who am I defending now?)

by MonsterRae1



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst with Happy Ending, M/M, Not Beta Read, a lot of buck being sad and suportive, its probably not even good and im sorry, listen i was sad and figured maybe i could write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsterRae1/pseuds/MonsterRae1
Summary: Buck thought that he and Eddie were in the same page, when Eddie starts dating Ana its very clear that they werent, so whos gonna mend Buck's broken heart?
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Ana Flores (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 20
Kudos: 503





	You're not my homeland anymore (so, who am I defending now?)

**Author's Note:**

> Its 1AM and I finished writting this, it's not beta read and not even I proof read it, but I'm trying to start posting again and figured I should do it before I lose the courage, so I might come back to edit it later.
> 
> I have other WIP that I hope to post as well, hopefully soon
> 
> Don’t repost without permission!!
> 
> There a translation to Russian now if anyone is interested https://ficbook.net/readfic/10446325

When Eddie announced that he was considering asking Chris’ former teacher out in a date, it broke Bucks heart; for a while he had thought that they were heading there, just waiting for the right timing, waiting for old wounds to finish healing, waiting to pass the complete explosion that had been the Buckley’s visit, waiting for each other. Apparently, he had been wrong and it was only him who was waiting. And because he loved being a masochist with his own heart, each time Eddie brought it up, he couldn’t help but encourage him, help him plan it, calm his nerves, help him choose an outfit and offering to babysit Christopher, because he was in pain, but he wasn’t selfish, his best friend deserved to move on from his dead wife, he deserved someone to make him nervous and smile at the same time, he deserved to be happy, even if it wasn’t with Buck.

So, Eddie and Ana went on a date, and another, and another, and another.

And Buck was fine, to anyone who asked, Buck was fine, little by little he had been mending his own broken pieces, and if each time Eddie came to pick Chris up with a big smile on his face and a relaxed set on his shoulders, and Buck felt his heart size up in pain, well, that was his business.

The real pain begun when Eddie told Christopher that he was dating Miss Flores (Because even though she wasn’t his teacher anymore Chris was nothing but respectful and refused to call her Ana) and Christopher wasn’t completely on board with the situation.

“What did you expect Eddie? You’ve never shown interest in anyone who wasn’t his mother” Buck said one night over beers, Christopher long tucked in after two stories and two forehead kisses by both boys. Eddie huffed.

“When I told him I was considering dating again, he said he was fine with it, I don’t get why the change of heart” Buck shrugged, what else could he said? Maybe Chris wasn’t expecting to happen so soon, maybe he was expecting his dad to date someone else.

“I don’t know man, want me to talk to him about it?”

“No, thank you though” He huffed “Problem is I kinda wanted to introduce them this next weekend and I already planned to spend it with Ana and him, now I have to cancel the whole thing” Buck nodded.

“I’ll take him, you spend it with Anna, tell her he’s not quite ready for it”

“Are you sure?” Buck nodded, fighting tears back, willing his lungs to take air, hoping his heart stopped hurting.

“Yeah, I could take him to the aquarium or the zoo, take his mind off things for a while” Eddie nodded “That good with you?”

“You didn’t have plans? It’s not like we get many weekends off”

“Nah, mostly cleaning to get done, some shopping, nothing I can’t take Chris with me” Eddie nodded again.

“Alright then, I’ll let him know, thank you man, really appreciate it” Buck nodded as Eddie stood up and took their empty bottles to the kitchen.

“No problem” If he cried that night while he showered well, what else was new?

Dr Copeland had told him that he was going through a grieving process, for the better part of a year he had thought that they were heading somewhere and now he was faced with the lost of that future, so it was going to take a while before he felt fine with the situation again, she had advised to let the process take its course, allow himself to be sad, to the angry, to be scared, Buck did, he just wished it was easier.

But at the end of the day, he was still in love with Eddie, because despise it all, Eddie still smiled softly at him, the smile that he knew was only reserved for him and Chris, Eddie still grabbed his shoulder when he needed support but didn’t know how to ask for it, Eddie was still there, and Buck ached, because a stupid part of him still _hoped._

When the dreaded weekend finally arrived, Buck took several deep breaths before leaving his car and make his way to the Diaz household, he was sad, knowing that Eddie was going to spend two days with Ana, being probably disgustingly happy and sweet and holding hands, and making out and… Buck refused to think beyond that, the point was he as going to spend the whole weekend being hers, while Buck was no ones. But in his book, he still won, getting to spend a whole weekend with his favourite kid. So, like in the beginning on this new normal, Buck was both happy and sad.

“Chris, are you ready bud?” Buck said walking into the house, neither of the boys were nowhere to be seen, but not long after he announced his arrival a wailing Chris made his way to Buck and promptly hid his face on Buck’s stomach, arms going around his waist to hug him as tight as he could “Hey, Chris, what happened?” Buck looked up to find Eddie standing by the hallway, face sad and heartbroken watching his son so clearly upset, Buck tried to read his body language but he was coming in empty, when had he lost the ability to know how Eddie was feeling? Hell, who was he kidding, he probably never had it.

“Buck” Chris’ voice came out small, Buck gently pushed him off to be able to kneel in front of him and look at him in the eyes “Can we go now?” Buck frowned.

“Are you sure? If you need to stay with your dad, I won’t be mad” Chris shook his head, big tears falling from his eyes “Want to tell me what happen?”

“Not here” He whispered, Buck nodded.

“Alright, get your stuff buddy, we have a whole weekend to look forward to, okay?” He nodded and quietly made his way to his room, Eddie watching him in silence until he reached his room.

“Want to fill me in?” Eddie looked down at his feet, clearly upset as well.

“We might had gotten into a disagreement” Buck nodded, waiting for Eddie to continue “We’re going to be fine; he’s just upset about me not being able to hang with you guys this weekend, but I promised I’ll make it up to him” Buck nodded again, walking to Eddie.

“Are you okay?” Eddie shrugged.

“I feel like I’m failing him all over again” He admitted softly “Maybe I should just break up with Ana, let things fall back to how they used to be” Buck stayed quiet, what could he say that didn’t sound selfish? Breakup with her for Chris, stay with her and Chris’ll get over it, everything sounded wrong.

“Buck”

“Mm?”

“What do you think?” Buck huffed.

“Have your weekend, I’ll talk to Chris and see what all of this is really about and then we’ll figure out from there?” Eddie smiled softly at him and then he had an arm full of Diaz, and because he loved to take anything he could get, he let himself fold into Eddie, their bodies fitting together and hiding his face on Eddie’s neck, breathing him in.

A moment later he watched Chris walk out of his room and stop to watch them, his eyes were still red because of the crying but there weren’t new tears falling down his face, he tilted his head and looked at them, a confused set to his brow, a lot like Eddie whenever Chim went on and on about movies no one else had seen before, Buck broke Eddie’s embrace and smiled at Chris.

“Ready bud?” Chris nodded “Want to say goodbye to dad?” He nodded again and walked to Eddie, hugging him tight and wishing him a good weekend, telling him how much he was going to miss him.

The drive to the apartment was spent in silence, Buck knew the Diaz and it was best to wait until they were to talk and not push to much, luckily their Saturday was a mostly stay at home day, Buck had some chores to finish and a trip to the grocery store to make, but for the rest of the day they were going to watch movies and finish Chris’ homework and have dinner with Maddie and Chimney, so whatever feelings Chris’ was processing through, he could take his time, and if came Sunday morning and he was still upset, Buck had no problem cancelling their trip to the aquarium and see what Chris wanted to do instead.

“Buck?” Chris finally spoke as they were finishing to put the laundry away, Buck hummed in response “Why do grownups date?”

“Well, different reasons, sometimes you just need someone there to share the good and the bad, to help out, to listen, to feel less lonely”

“You think dad’s lonely?” Buck took a moment to think how to answer Chris.

“I think your dad loves you, and wants what’s best for you” Chris nodded “And I also think that he’s been doing things on his own for a long time, and maybe he feels like he needs some extra help, so both of you can be happier” Chris was silent again, picking up his pencil and continuing to answer his Math problems.

“But he wasn’t”

“Wasn’t what bud?”

“Doing things on his own, you’re here with us” Buck took a couple of deep breaths, refusing to cry in front of Chris “you’re always with us, making us happier”

“It’s not the same” He sat next to Chris and turned to look at him “Sometimes we need more, and maybe I wasn’t able to give it to your dad” Chris frowned.

“Well, did he ask you?”

“Sometimes you don’t need to ask, sometimes you feel that connection with someone and want to see where it leads” Chris nodded “Chris, is this why you were upset? Because your dad is dating again?” Chris nodded again “You know, if you’re not ready for that much change you can tell him, and he’ll understand, he doesn’t want to upset you”

“I want dad to be happier, sometimes he looks sad and I don’t want that” Buck nodded “I just…”

“Don’t like Miss Flores?” He shrugged.

“She’s okay, but I don’t think she makes dad all that happy” Buck nodded “When dad and mom were together, he had this special smile, he doesn’t smile like that with Miss Flores”

“Love is different each time you fall in love” Buck took a deep breath and pushed a wild curl back into the rest, Chris smiled “And with each person it looks different, besides your mom and dad were together for a long time, he’s only started dating Miss Flores, give her a chance? Maybe she’ll surprise you” Chris nodded.

“And if I’m not ready? To spend time with her, as dad’s girlfriend?”

“Well, I’m always willing to hang with you, if your dad’s okay with it”

“You promise?”

“Just call, I’ll always be there” And just like he did when he himself was a kid, he pinkie promised.

By the time Maddie and Chimney arrived, Buck had managed to get all of his list of chores done, the shopping and Chris seemed to be in a better mood than when he picked him up, so he was glad that at least he could still be there for Chris, because he was sure of one thing, no matter how things ended up with Eddie, Chris was still one of Bucks priority.

“Let me put him to bed and I’ll be right back” Buck said after dinner had come and go, Chris spent a few hours hanging with Chimney before he started to constantly yawn so Buck sent him to put on his PJs and brush his teeth, and sure enough after another half an hour playing, he fell asleep right at Chimney’s side, Buck picked him up and carried him upstairs to the loft to set him in bed, ignoring the teasing smile on his sister face when he made his way back.

“Are we going to talk about how you share custody of a kid that isn’t yours or are we ignoring that too?” Chimney said earing a punch in the arm by Maddie.

“Yeah, didn’t even got to date the guy and here I am, back up dad” Maddie looked at him sadly, her sad eyes having been intensified since becoming pregnant.

“How are you?” Buck shrugged, what was the point in denying it? Everyone could see the heartbreak, everyone but Eddie, who was too happy with Ana to notice anything else.

“I’ll be okay, I’m just, still in love with the guy, I guess” Chimney patted his shoulder.

“In your defence, we all thought for sure that you guys were going to end up together” Buck laughed.

“Well, clearly not all of us did”

“Have you told him? How you feel?” Buck shook his head.

“What’s the point, Maddie? He’s falling in love with someone else, I don’t want to be the reason he can’t be happy, he deserves to be happy”

“You deserve to be happy too”

The aquarium proved to be the cure to, almost, all illness, by the end of their Sunday Chris was back to smiles and giggles and ready to see his dad again, on the drive over he practically fell asleep, so Buck grabbed his backpack and then carefully picked Chris up, letting his head rest on his shoulder, snoring softly into his shirt, with a practiced ease that he didn’t want to think about he opened the door and started to make his way into the house, stopping at the living room where Ana was sitting on her own, reading on her phone when she noticed Buck standing there, not moving.

“Uh, where’s Eddie?” He said softly, trying to keep Chris asleep.

“Hi, he went out to pick up dinner, he didn’t mention you’d drop Chris off yet” Buck was a little earlier that they had agreed but since he didn’t see any cars in the driveway, he figured he’d just wait inside for him “You can leave him with me if you want, I can watch him until Eddie returns”

“Are you having dinner with him?” Ana frowned and nodded “Okay, tell him to call me when you leave, I’ll bring back then” He turned around and started to make his way out.

“Wait, what do you mean by that?” He took a deep breath, he really didn’t want to be rude, but he also wasn’t about to leave Chris with her when he was sure the kid wasn’t ready for that.

“Miss Flores” He started, Ana frowned again “Just please have Eddie call me later, I don’t have a problem coming back”

“Why…”

Chris rubbed his eyes as he woke up, turning his head to look at Buck and putting a hand on his cheek, Buck smiled at him.

“Hey bud, nice nap?” Chris nodded.

“Are we home?” Buck hummed, Chris turned to see Ana, then hid his face back on Buck’s neck.

“How about we go out for dinner tonight? Add another adventure to tell your dad about”

“Okay” He said softly, Buck sighed, all his hard work to bring Chris’ spirit back up, and it all had gone to shit in a minute.

Without saying anything else Buck brough Chris back to the car and drove them to a nearby Mexican restaurant that they frequented enough that the servers knew their orders by heart. If Eddie wanted to be mad to him about that whole interaction, well, at least Buck could soften the blow by bringing him back some tacos.

But three days later Eddie was thanking him, explaining that he had another talk with Chris and he was okay with him dating Ana, but still asked for a bit of time before he was ready to be introduced, Eddie said he didn’t have to until he was ready and Chris hugged him tightly.

“No problem, that’s what I’m here for” Eddie clapped him in the shoulder and made his way out of the locker room, Hen looked at Buck with her signature _I’m both proud and exasperated by you_ look

“You know, we all know that you love Chris like your own, but if it hurts too much it’s okay to take some distance” Buck shook his head.

“I think it’ll hurt more, if I didn’t see Chris at all, at least one Diaz still loves me” Hen walked to him and hugged him.

“You’re gonna be okay Buck, you have such a big heart, you deserve to have someone love you as much as you do” He smiled and held her tighter.

“You know, people keep saying that, not sure I believe it”

Hen smiled tightly at him, and nodded, and Buck understood there wasn’t much to say, just like there wasn’t much to do, Buck was in love with Eddie, Eddie was falling in love with Ana, it was what it was.

Months went by in a blur, work kept him busy, hanging with Christopher kept him distracted and hanging with Eddie had been decreasing more and more, which wasn’t unexpected but it still hurt like hell, when once upon a time Buck wouldn’t had hesitated to call Eddie or text him to just talk about anything that crossed his mind now he found himself second guessing and deciding on better not do it, and when once he would’ve just shown up at his house unannounced and make himself at home (he wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t a guest in Eddie’s house, he hadn’t been, at least not back then) he now waited in the driveway when he picked up Chris and always knocked before coming in.

But his traitor heart still ached for Eddie, months and month of pain and crying himself to sleep hadn’t been enough, there was still something that wasn’t allowing him to let go, and he desperately wanted to, he wanted to stop feeling the crushing weight of not being who Eddie wanted, he wanted to stop feeling like he couldn’t breathe when Eddie walked away, he wanted to stop feeling like he couldn’t reach out to his best friend for anything like before.

“Maybe you need to date some else” Maddie said one Buckley night, that now not only included the siblings but also de cutest baby girl in the world.

“I don’t think that’s fair, going out with someone else while I’m clearly still in love with Eddie”

“Well, maybe you need to fall in love with someone new, before you fall out of love” Buck chewed on his lip nervously while watching the rise and fall of his nieces’ breathing

“Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I just want to see you happy, please?” Buck huffed.

“Okay, I’ll try”

He redownloaded his old dating apps, updated his profiles and set to talk to some people, and it felt nice, for once to not think of Eddie, to see a movie and think of someone else he’d rather watch it with, to see brown eyes and not feel like he couldn’t breathe.

So, of course, when he finally asked someone out on an actual date and went for it, he’d get a call from Eddie from the hospital where Christopher was sick and asking for his Buck.

Navigating the hospital was worryingly easy for Buck, and it wasn’t long until he found Eddie and Ana in the waiting room, sitting side by side (and no matter how much moving on Buck had been doing it still hurt like hell to see them together)

“What happen?” He asked as he approached them, Eddie sighed in relief when he saw him and quickly stood up, wrapping his arms around Buck and hiding his face on his shoulder.

“Broken arm”

“What?! How?”

“He fell” Ana answered, Buck glared at her “We were at the park and next thing we know he’s crying holding his arm”

“Jesus” He took a step away from Eddie, no matter how much he wanted to be there for him that way, still be his support, he couldn’t keep doing that to himself “He’s in X-ray?”

“Yeah” Eddie said and took a sit next to Ana again “He’d be glad to see you once he’s back in a bed” Buck nodded and sat down next to Eddie, who immediately leaned into him, Buck huffed and settled for a long wait, texting apologies to the date he had to rush out off and knowing that a second chance wasn’t likely.

“Mr. Diaz?” The three adults stood up when Eddie’s name was called and walked to the nurse “Your son is resting in a room for now, the casting will take a while but he’s in pain meds, you can see him if you’d like” They all started to follow her when she started to make her way to the room “Oh, sorry, only family is allowed” Ana nodded.

“I’ll wait here” She sat back down and the nurse turned to Buck.

“I…Uh”

“He’s Christopher secondary emergency contact” Eddie said fast “He can come in; Chris was asking for him anyway” The nurse nodded and lead them to the room.

Seeing Chris in the bed broke his heart, his arm was in a sling while they waited for the doctor to be available to do the cast, so both men made their way to the bed and carefully sat by the child’s side.

“It wasn’t her fault you know” Buck frowned.

“I never said it was” Eddie huffed.

“It’s just the way you answered her, sorry, I know you didn’t mean anything by it” Buck nodded and stayed in silence “You really don’t like her, huh?” Buck sighed.

“I think I don’t really have an opinion on her, doesn’t matter what I think anyway”

“What?”

“Nothing Eddie, let’s not” He ran his fingers through Christopher’s hair, trying to keep distracted while he woke up.

“You look nice, dinner at Maddie’s?” Buck looked at him, Eddie was looking at him with a soft smile, and how dare him? How dare him still have strings in Buck’s heart? How dare him pull them with something as simple as a smile?

“I had a date”

“Oh” He looked down at his hands “Sorry, I shouldn’t have called”

“It’s okay, it’s Chris, I would’ve wanted to know” Eddie nodded.

“So, a date? You didn’t mention you were dating again”

“Yeah, I figured it was time” He shrugged “Maddie set me up, actually, a new dispatcher, so you know, they get the whole odd schedule thing” Eddie nodded.

“She cute?” Buck cleared his throat.

“He, and yes he was” Eddie nodded again, looking at Buck’s hand still running through Chris’ hair

“Buck…” Whatever Eddie was about to say was cut by Christopher stirring and opening his eyes “Hey, bud, how you feeling?”

“Dad” He reached his dad with his good hand “Buck?”

“I’m here bud” He hummed, clearly still sleepy form the pain meds.

“I miss you” Buck kissed his head.

“I miss you too, kid”

“Are you going to stay?”

“A nurse is probably going to kick me out soon, but I have the day off tomorrow, I’ll come by?” Chris nodded, clearly fighting to stay awake “Rest Chris, you’ll need it”

“Okay”

Eddie took over running his fingers through Chris’ hair and Buck was left with the blanket to fidget with.

“I think I’m going to break up with Ana”

“I thought you said it wasn’t her fault?”

“Not because of this, it just, I don’t know, you don’t like her, Chris is trying but I don’t think he does either, it doesn’t feel right anyway” Buck hummed “Really, that’s all I get? A hum?”

“What do you want me to say Eds? You don’t need my permission to do anything” Being in love and heartbroken over the same person was exhausting, trying to still be a supportive best friend? Yeah, Buck was reaching his limit.

“I don’t know, anything, you’ve been so distant lately I only see you when you’re picking Chris up, it’s like we’ve divorced and I never noticed it” Buck laughed angrily.

“I’m going to go now, text me when you get home so I can come by”

“Buck…”

“I can’t Eddie, I just can’t, not anymore, it’s too much”

He turned and walked out the room, trying to put some distance between him and the tornado of emotions that were brewing inside him. Sadness, denial, anger, love, hurt, hope, everything mixed up and threating to burst.

“Buck, seriously, would you talk to me? I don’t know what I did wrong?” Eddie sounded hurt too, his voice soft and lost.

Only them were standing in the hallway, like the universe had provided the perfect place to put their feelings out in the open.

“You know, maybe it was my fault, I never said anything before I just assumed” Eddie tilted his head confused “I thought, for a long time I thought you and I were heading towards something, I was waiting to be better, I was waiting for you to grieve Shannon” He took a deep breath and rested his back on the wall, too tired to even stand “I though you weren’t dating because you were waiting for me, and it turns out I was wrong, it was only me, falling in love with you and then watching you fall in love with someone else” Eddie watched him quietly, eyes filling with tears. “And I thought, okay, he’s happy, he deserves to be happy” His voice cracked “and I was miserable, I just kept thinking why can’t it be me? Why is it never me? I just want to move on Eddie, I just want to be happy too” He took a deep breath “I deserve to be happy too, and it clearly it isn’t going to be with you, so I need time, I need space, I need to fall out of love with you so I can move on with my life” Eddie moved towards him and Buck took a step away “Don’t”

“Buck, please” He shook his head.

“No, Eddie, please, just let me move on, I can’t keep looking at you and feeling like someone dropped a cinderblock on my chest, I can’t keep waiting for you to love me back, I can’t keep waiting for something that’s not going to happen” The first tears weren’t a surprise, he was surprised he made it this long without crying “I need time before I can be your friend again, I need you to stop looking at me like that, all soft and sweet, I just, I can’t anymore Eddie, I can’t hold all this heart break anymore” Eddie made another move towards Buck, this time he didn’t walk away and a couple of callused hands gently cupped his face “Part of me is always going to love you Eddie” He said softly, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on Eddie’s “I just need that a bigger part of me understands that you’re never going to love me back, and be okay with that”

He left Eddie alone in the hallway, ignoring Ana as he called after him when he passed the waiting room, driving home in autopilot and going through the motions of changing out of his date clothing, throwing himself to the bed and finally, finally cry, cry his love for Eddie away, cry into the spaces between the broken pieces of his heart, cry for everything that never was and for everything he lost, cry until he was hollowed out.

There was a long string of missed calls and texts the next morning, Eddie asking him to come back, to talk to him, to let him explain, and in the end letting him know that Chris was being discharged and that they’d be home all day the next day and he was welcome to drop by whenever. So, after going through the motions of his morning routine and breakfast, he got some chores done and around lunch time he made his way to the Diaz household.

“Hey bud” He said to Chris as he sat next to him in the couch and grabbed a sharpie “Mind if I sign it?” Chris giggled and nodded, showing him where his dad had sign it too and where himself had drawn a little stick figure family, Eddie, Buck and himself, Buck smiled and told him how much he loved it.

After a round of video games, a movie and a chapter of his book, Chris went down for a nap and Buck started to gather his things to head back to the loft when Eddie reached him in the kitchen, for most of the day he’d been respectful and allowed him to spend the afternoon with Chris on his own, but now there was a stubborn determination on his eyes that Buck knew wasn’t going to go away easy.

“Eddie, you don’t need to say anything, I get it, you don’t see me that way, it’s alright”

“You were wrong, yesterday” Buck raised his eyebrow at him “I love you too, of course I do”

“You sure have a funny way to show it” Eddie sighed.

“You are, the best thing that has happen to us in LA, from the very beginning Buck, you just gave and gave, and we took, I took, you showed me what it was like to have a partner, a real partner, who won’t judge, who’d back me up and I was so scared Buck” The tears on Eddie’s eyes formed faster than the ones yesterday, Buck resisted the urge to hold him and tell him that it’ll be okay “I was so scared that I was going to ask for too much and you were going to leave, and when I did, you stayed, and after the lawsuit and getting a taste of life without you I just couldn’t risk it, so I never made a move, you were my friend, it had to be enough”

“Until I wasn’t enough, and you went to Ana” Eddie shook his head.

“How could I ask that of you Buck? How was I gonna stand in front of you tell you that I wanted way more than you were giving me? How could I ask you to love me when I’m not good enough for you? You deserve the fucking world Buck, and I can only give you what’s inside these four walls” Buck laughed

“I never wanted the world Eddie, I just wanted you and Chris, that’s my world, hell, that’s my universe” He huffed and took a step towards Eddie “You are more than enough, you’ve always been, sure you aren’t perfect, we all have our issues, but every part of you of worth loving Eddie, even the dark ones, I just want to be the one to do it” Eddie walked to him, once again letting their foreheads rest together and closing his eyes.

“What can I do to make right? Anything Buck, and I do mean anything to get you to stop hurting”

“You can try to love me better” Buck smiled, letting his hands find their way to Eddie’s hips “You can let me love you better”

“After all this hell I’ve pulled you through, you still want that?” Buck nodded. “

Of course, I do Eddie”

“But yesterday…”

“Yesterday I thought you’d never love me too, yesterday I thought you’d only want a friend, but today I know better, and I’m scared too, but I already went through months of pain and heart break and if you’re willing to try and make me happy, then I’m willing to try to make you happy too” Eddie opened his eyes to find Buck’s teary blues staring right back at him.

“Okay” His voice was soft, reading Buck’s features in search of regret “I want that too, I want to make you happy”

“Then kiss me Eddie”

The first touch of their lips was soft, and tentative, like Eddie was afraid that Buck was going to change his mind and walk away, but then Buck pressed more into him, moving his lips softly against Eddie’s and letting his tongue tease at the edge of his mouth, pulling him further into the kiss, letting them collie together.

It was a memorable first kiss, not only because of how good kisser Eddie was, but because it was the start, the start to Buck’s broken heart to put itself back together (even though it would take months before it completely stopped hurting, and Eddie was going to be there every step of the way, learning everyday to love Buck the way he deserved to the loved) it was the start of Eddie’s own healing into accepting that every part of him deserved to be loved (and going back to therapy to work on these issues and the unconditional support Buck show him would keep him healing everyday), it was the official start of their family and this time when Eddie told Christopher that he was dating Buck he was met with tears of joy and he knew, both of them knew, this was it for them.


End file.
